Mighty Necrotic Zombie Rangers
by krisrat
Summary: A Zombie!Rangers Crackfic. I was dared. Don't expect much.
1. Chapter 1

Mighty Necrotic Zombie Rangers

Fandom: MMPR….ish….

Pairings: Yikes, no, and ew.

Summary: Zombies, and Power Rangers. Need I say more? CRACKFIC, so don't bother pointing out grammar/spelling issues. There's no point.

MNZR

Look ye, gentle readers, upon the quiet and tranquil town of Angel Grove, California. Children frolic in the streets, young lovers are spending time in paddle boats on the lake, while Manly Men toil endlessly at the inexplicable rock quarry. All is peaceful, and all is good with the world. Those among you possessed of even a remote familiarity with this city will understand why, lurking in the hearts of all of its citizens, a general sense that the other shoe was on its way down.

It arrived as expected, not as a giant fish, mutated octopus, ill-tempered literary caricature, or even just a general giant monster. No, it started as an accident.

For reasons unknown to even the city controllers, Angel Grove possesses a large abandoned warehouse district. It actually was built that way, citizens claim, in order that the battles with Giant Robots that everyone was sure would happen, had a place to destroy that wouldn't cost the city millions in tax dollars, or result in staggering loss of life. The downside: it was zoned to have full access to the city's water supply. And the lifeblood of all the mutated creatures that had fallen to the Mighty MegaZord finally seeped through the ground, and began to work its way into the town's homes by way of the treatment plant.

Now this being California, most people drank bottled water anyway, and the water treatment facility was second to none (having been rebuilt no less than three times in the last year thanks to a giant turtle, a mutated sea bass, and giant beachball). Unfortunatly, a small bit of the poisonous material made it through, where it would find its way into many a home faucet, city pool and even a colorful concoction that was called "Ernie's Tropical Sunset Surpise."

It is this last destination that would spell trouble for the city, as it was being served to a group of five coincidentally-color-coded teenagers, toasting the destruction of a threat to the city once again… that someone else had done and they had nothing to do with. Heh.

3,000 people died (including the aforementioned group of teens) before the federal government finally arrived in the one place that the Greatful Dead had refused to play ("The scene there is, like, way too freaky." – said the drummer). They began emergency containment and treatment, trying to save as many as they could.

Lord Zedd and his minions weren't stupid… ok, they're weren't stupid ENOUGH to try and attack a city being controlled by the American Military, so he gave his minions some off, and took Rita to see some family in another system.

Without threat of attack, Zordon had no need to summon or even check on his Rangers, so he decided to catch up on some back issues of "Disembodied Head Quarterly." Alpha, meanwhile, had discovered what the internet was for.

It took 5 weeks to finally begin making sense of things. A mass funeral had been conducted, and the bodies of those killed in the "incident" were laid to rest in mass graves, with a stone marker memorializing them. The city went about its life as normalcy returned, as best they knew how. Then a monstrous taco appeared in the city, tearing things up and calling out the rangers. People screaming in panic and fleeing for their lives breathed a quiet sigh of relief as they ducked flying cars and molten cheese attacks. Things were finally getting back to normal.

In the Power Ranger Command Center, Zordon rematerialized. "Alpha! Lord Zedd has summoned the feared El Taco Enormo! He must be stopped. Summon the Rangers!"

"Ayeyiyi! Right away Zordon!"

No one heard the beeping watches since they were buried under several feet of dirt and death.

20 minutes later, El Taco Enormo paused in his carnage and checked his bright purple cartoon watch. Where were those blasted kids?

Ironically, Zordon was wondering the same thing. "Alpha, have you reached the Rangers yet?"

"No, Zordon, no one is answering! Where could they be?"

"They must have encountered some trouble and are trapped. Use the emergency recall and summon them immediately"

"Summoning them now!" Alpha said, and pressed a series of buttons. He was understandably upset when six decomposing bodies suddenly materialized in the command center. Even more so when he discovered who they were. "Ayeyiyiyiyiyi!"

"Alpha, What is the meaning of this?"

"I don't know, Zordon! They're… they're all dead!"

"Yes, I can see that." Zordon commented dryly. "But the fact remains that they are the only ones who can bear the power coins. Fetch…. THE NECRONOMI-TRON!"

"GASP!" Alpha was so shocked he actually said the word as he… well… gasped. "You can't mean…"

"That's right. We will harness the power of the coins and return the life to their bodies, just as we do the Powerzords."

"But… but its never been used on humans before!"  
"Alpha…" Zordon said condescendingly, "I'm a transdimensional disembodied head, and am thousands of years old. I think I know what I'm doing by now. Besides, what is the worst that could happen?"

"Y-Yes, Zordon" Alpha said, before opening a small hatch and retrieving a strange looking control box that seemed to glow dark green. He sighed, then pressed the big red button with the skull and crossbones on it.

Purple lightening engulfed the bodies on the floor; before they seemed to stiffen, then slowly lumber to their feet. Zordon finally got a look at them, and suddenly realized that yes, even floating disembodied heads can become nauseated. Kimberly's once brilliant blond hair hung around her emaciated face like bits of straw. Tommy and Jason appeared to have been thrown to one side, as each had a shoulder out of alignment. Billy's glasses missing, but didn't appear to be needed, as the… boy… seemed have scar tissue in both eyes. Trini and Zach seemed the most normal, though that was a subjective statement as all rangers had hollow looking faces, patches of skin literally falling of them, and tattered remains of clothing.

"Rangers! Lord Zedd has sent El Taco Enormo to Angel grove! You must morph and take him down."

"Uhhh…. Floating Head Right." Zombie!Tommy stated in a dull monotone. "It Morph Time!"

The zombies…err…. Rangers… grabbed their power morphers, which seemed to flash brightly, then change just alittle as they called out their transformation symbol. When they emerged, their rangers uniforms were just as dirty and patchy as their clothing had been. The pink ranger's helmet was missing a chunk of it, exposing a sunken eye. All looked much more skull-like than before.

The once proud symbols of justice would now strike fear into just about everyone, rather than just their enemies.

"Zombie Rangers get taco" The Red Zombie Ranger stated.

"Eat its brains!" The pink one replied.

"Braaiinns…." They all agreed, then disappeared.

Silence reigned in the command center for a long moment, as Alpha slowly turned to face Zordon.

"I have a bad feeling about this." The robot stated.

"Turn on the viewing globe. We must monitor the situation."

As the image cleared, the two mostly living beings in the command center watched the six, mostly-dead rangers arrive on the scene. There was no posturing, no witty speeches, just…

"Zordon, they're… eating it!"

"I'm sure they are just hungry from their time… uh… dead… Alpha. It is nothing to worry about"

"But they're not eating the taco part! They've torn the head off and are… ugh" Robots, too, can apparently get nauseated. "And… Its Lord Zedd!!!"

Alpha's cry was unknowingly echoed as the dread Lord appeared, wanting to know who had changed the rules and why his monster was suddenly STILL someone's lunch. Unfortunately, Lord Zedd had forgotten that his appearance was not… safe… to have around Zombies. They took one look at his helmet, which was nothing more than a circle around his brain, and began stumbling towards him, leaving the dessicated body of El Taco Enormo behind them.

"Brains…."

"What… what are you… GET AWAY FROM ME YOU CRAZY KIDS!"

The somewhat less frightening Lord Zedd (witnesses would agree that between his squealing and back pedaling, and the gruesome faces of the Zombie Rangers that he just wasn't that scary anymore) was trying to cover his head and flee, as they rangers shuffled after him.

"RITA! GET MY SHOTGUN!" Zedd screamed, before the six former-teens converged on him.

We'll leave the remainder to the reader's imagination. Suffice to say that the Rangers needed a new villain, as Rita and the others decided that they needed a new planet to conquer.

Watching from the viewing globe, Zordon sighed. "Alpha. I'm leaving. I've only stuck around to train the Rangers… and.. this is just messed up. I'm going to go back to my home dimension, and get very, very drunk.

"Ayeyiyiyi! What about me? What if they come back here?"

"Just get some shotguns, a couple of rednecks, a plucky college co-ed, a hapless boob whose name should probably just be Bait, and a kid with nothing to loose. Then let nature take its course. They are Zombies after all." With that, Zordon vanished, and Alpha started to cry.

----

A/N:

I guess I should apologize. But I'm not gonna. Except to Kenko, who I stole a joke from.


	2. Chapter 2

Author's Note: I'm working on finishing the next chapter of What if you had to die... but these were sitting on my livejournal and needed to be posted here. Again, this is a pallet-clearing crack fic, so don't expect much out of it. Just something to have fun with because my friends dare me to.

There is a point when, after consuming enough alcohol, even the most intelligent of people (or extra-dimensional disembodied floating semi-transparent heads) will make stupid decisions. Stories are told of Prince Paris of Greece, who, after a few too many ouzos, declared Helen of Troy to be "smoking hot" and "in desperate need of a shag." Whispers in back alleyways tell of the foolishness of Helmut Hitler, who told his little brother Adolf (over several beers) that he "Really needed to put those silly paints away and make something of himself." Those with stout hearts and no fear of death will even stop and ponder on the mysteries of the Great Ramses the Second, who said "Oh come on, what's the worst they can do? Its not like those silly Hebrews can call down the wrath of the gods on us, right? Pass the wine"

In the grand scheme of things, though, none can compare with the indelible stupidity of Zordon of Eltar, who got sufficiently drunk to decide to not only go back to earth, and those thrice damned zombies, but also to create five new power coins to send to another set of teenagers, who, he was sure, could stop the Zombie!Rangers before they became an issue.

Historians would later wonder if he really was drunk, or just had it in for the human race.

It began late one Friday Night, scant two weeks from the day when Zordon swore he was leaving earth and never returning. 5 Bottles of Eltarian firewine convinced him, though, that he could do it. He would create new powers, using the Zeo Crystal that he suddenly remembered was at full power and hiding under the command center and not in five separate pieces as he had thought for some strange reason. Then he would summon five new teenagers, who would have been made rangers at some point in the future anyway! He'd give them the much more powerful ZeoRanger powers, and they could eliminate their Zombie-fied predecessors!

Oh yeah, he was the man! Well... metaphorically. Not physiologically… anymore… stupid Rita.

Mmm…. Firewine….

Right! Zeo Crystal! He just needed to push some power into the morphing grid, and have that obnoxious robot find some teenagers. Did he have Zords for them? Eh, it would be alright.

The next morning, a much greener Zordon appeared in the command Center.

"Alpha, I have been monitoring the situation in Angel Grove and I am concerned at the actions of the Rangers."

"Actually… they haven't been doing much, Zordon. They seem to still be full from all of Zedd and Rita's minions."

There was that stupid nausea again. "Yes… thank you Alpha. Never bring that up again. Now I want you to summon five teenagers. And some aspirin. I have a headache."

"Right away Zordon!"

"Not so loud."

"Sorry."

From various places in angel grove, five teenagers disappeared in a swirling mass of color. Rocky, Adam, and Aisha vanished from their "ninja" training, Katherine from a restaurant, and a young boy named Justin from a local racetrack.

"Welcome, my young friends…." Zordon paused, and regarded Justin with a curious expression.

"He's the only blue ranger candidate left on the planet." Alpha supplied helpfully.

"Oh. Of course. Well, welcome, my young friends, you have been chosen as Power Rangers, to combat the forces of evil, from anywhere they may appear… but first you needtaklthothrrngrs" Zordon trailed off into nonsensical mumbling.

"What was that?" Adam asked.

"You… well, see the thing is, in that horrible disaster that the city has already inexplicably recovered from, the first team of rangers were killed."

"So we're here to take their place in their memory" Rocky stated.

"Not exactly." Alpha said. "They were turned into Zombies and we need you to destroy them."

"Uh… you wanna run that by us again," Justin responded incredulously.

"The other rangers are now Zombies, blue ranger."

"My name's Justin."

"It's best I not know that." Zordon replied sagely. "I don't want to get too attached."

"What?"

"Nothing. Go get them!" He nodded to alpha, who pressed a button, who sent them to the Angel Grove. A few adjustments to teleporter ensured that they arrived already morphed, just in case.

Not that it really mattered in the long run.

A moment should be taken to examine the Zombie!Rangers. Not their physiology, because, well, eww… but their mental processes. As of that morning, they mostly possessed a human outlook on the world, knowing that Zedd and his monsters were evil, and also were quite tasty when served on crackers. Humans, on the other hand, screamed and ran when they caught site of the Zombie!Rangers, didn't really bother them, and since their drive to create new Zombies hadn't kicked in yet, were pretty much useless. Zombie!Kimberly suspected that they might be fairly tasty, but didn't know for sure, and didn't want to get fat if she was wrong.

So when the five new Zeo Rangers arrived, the Zombies were attracted to the bright colors, and wanted to go and say hello. Maybe even offer them a snack.

Unfortunatly, their lumbering steps, outstretched arms, and moans of "Braiiinnnssss…" were misinterpreted.

"Stop foul creatures!" Katherine said, "We are the Power Rangers! Warriors of truth and…"

"Kat, seriously, this isn't an anime. Just attack!" Rocky said, cutting her off.

"Right. Sorry."

Meanwhile, back at the command center…

"Alpha… what are those?"

"The pile of weapons on the floor? Oh, those are the Rangers new arsenal. Guaranteed to be the ONLY thing that could successfully attack and kill a Zombie-fied power ranger."

"Very nice."

"Why thank you Zordon. I spent a good deal of time making them. I even tuned them to the bio-signs of the Zeo Rangers, so they could never be used by the forces of evil against us."

"Alpha, I'm impressed. That's a very nice bit of work, and shows a good deal of forethought. How do they summon them?"

"Summon…. Them?"

"Yes. How will they get to the Zeo Rangers so that they can do battle with the Zombies."

"Uh… well.."

"You forgot that part didn't you?"

"Ayeyiyiyi…."  
Zordon sighed. "Turn the viewing globe off, Alpha. I don't really want to watch this."

Back to (the) Action!

Zombie!Kimberly took a viscious right-hook from Katherine, which stirred some strange feeling of hostility in the Zombie's mind. As the others engaged in combat, Zombie!Kimberly forced Katherine to the ground, then lowered her mouth to the girls neck.

Sorry boys, but fanservice was not on her mind.

She took a huge bloody bite from Katherine's neck, and suddenly 2 biological urges were being sated.

The urge to consume flesh, and the urge to procreate.

The first thing she taught Zombie!Katherine was how to do the same to poor obnoxious Justin.

Then the others.

The battle descended into groans and shuffling Zombie feet quickly, and as one, the Zombie!Rangers and the newly created ZeoZombie!Rangers turned towards the sleepy town of angel grove.

"Braaaiiiinnnssss…."

In the command center, Zordon and Alpha regarded each other sadly for a long moment.

"Alpha… if anyone ever asks how the Zombie Apocalypse started, we blame the American Military. Do you understand?"

"Yes Zordon."

"Good. Now I'm getting back to my drinking. Wake me up when the Zombies are gone. Or they over-run the command center thinking that they can get to my brain even though I exist outside of this universe, so instead they dismantle you out of spite. You know, whichever comes first." With that, he vanished, leaving a suddenly very nervous automaton staring warily at the door.

"Ayeyiyi…"


	3. Chapter 3

In an effort to prove that stupidity is truly boundless, Rito Revolto was piloting a small craft back to Earth's moon. He'd been made aware that, for the most part, the Human race had been changed into mindless Zombies, and not just from watching too much television. He'd ask Rita and Goldar to tag along, but both told him he was out of his mind if he thought they'd even set foot in that system, and that if he went, they'd go ahead and plan a funeral for him, just in case.

You see, Alien invaders understand a cardinal rule. Attempting to invade a planet guarded by superpowered teenagers was a difficult and costly chore, one that could end in either victory, or painful, agonizing, and potentially embarrassing failure. A planet guarded by superepowered ZOMBIES(fer chrissake) was tantamount to SUICIDE!

Two teams of superpower Zombies who had precipitated a Zombie apocalypse? You may as well just summon Cthulhu and take your chances.

So Rito bid a fond farewell to his weeping sister, who had him measured for a suit and a casket, just in case.

You see, in Rito's (admittedly small) mind, he was just a skeleton, and therefore uninteresting to the Zombies of Earth, who would bow to his fearsomeness and then assist him in conquering other worlds in the name of the Undead EVERYWHERE! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Hands up, anyone who thinks he's got even a slight chance of surviving this?

Didn't think so.

He landed at the Late-Lord Zedd's palace, and prepared the Monster-tron to get him some backup. He knew that all he had to do was take down those disgusting Zombie!Rangers, and their little friends the ZeoZombie!Rangers, and he'd be able to conquer the rest of the planet fairly quickly, perhaps even giving him enough time to rest and recuperate from any wounds he might sustain.

And if the stories Rita told him about a super-being hidden in a egg in a rock quarry were true, he might even get some help!

Yes, truly, he'd be emperor of Earth in no time at all.

Now if only that chill that kept running down his spine would go away.

Thursday dawned bright and early in once-beautiful Angel Grove California. Not that it mattered to the lumbering masses of Zombies who had found the site of the mass burial and…

You know, what they were doing really isn't important. Lets just say that they were being Zombies, and we'll all be happier and keep our lunches down, okay?

Regardless, the Zombies were… being Zombies… in the vicinity of a mass grave, when Rito Revolto and his minion, styled after the Beholder from Dungeons and Dragons (Rito is a closet geek). A cheese special effects sequence later, and suddenly Rito and the floating eyeball were 50 stories tall, and crushing the lumbering Zombie around them.

"Power Rangers! Come out, come out wherever you are!!!" He cried.

The Zombie around him were trying their best to gnaw on his legs, or even reach the floating eyeball, but he was just too large, and the eyeball too far off the ground, for any meaningful noms to take place.

The Zombie!Rangers appeared in a burst of muted light, the ZeoZombie!Rangers at their sides.

"Monster too big to eat!" Zombie!Tommy said sagely. "We need Zombie!Zords!"

"ZeoZombie!Rangers no get Zords!" Zombie!Rocky pouted, "Floating head no give us some."

"We go make floating head give us Zords!" Zombie!Adam announced. "And eat his brain!"  
"Braaiinsss…" The ZeoZombies! Agreed.

Zombie!Jason nodded, "It good plan. Go, get Zord, eat brain. Bring us leftover."

"Right!" The ZeoZombies nodded, and vanished.

Were this any other villain… or anyone with common sense… the lull in activity when the Rangers appeared would have been capitalized on. But honestly, Rito was kinda freaked out at the appearance of the Zombie!Rangers, and forgot all about his plans to attack… which was a mistake.

"Zombie!Rangers call on power of Zombie Zords!" They Rangers called out in a loud monotone.

"Zombie!Black Ranger call on Necro-mastodon!"

"Zombie!Pink Ranger call on Terrodactyl!"

"Zombie!Blue Ranger call on Tricero-corpse!"

"Zombie!Yellow Ranger call on Sabre-toothe Zombie!"

"Zombie!Red Ranger call on Tyranno-corpus!"

"Zombie!Green Ranger call on DragonZombieZord!"

From the bowels of the earth came six lumbering monstrosities, mere shades of the once mighty Power!Zords. Were there any humans around, the site of these hideous perversions of the creatures of old would have driven them to the ground in terror, possibly inducing a heart attack… which honestly would have been a much better way to go than being nommed to death by zombies.

Like the minions of the Old Ones, their descriptions shall remain only in the twisted imaginings of your minds, gentle readers, but dwell not upon them, for any nightmares you suffer shall be of your own doing… and there is no hot cocoa left in your home… BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Rito could only stare in horror as the… creatures.. that had been summoned were immediately piloted into place, constructing the awesome and disgusting MegaZombieZord.

Suddenly this seemed like a bad idea.

He watched helplessly as a well placed fist from the MegaZombie crushed the iris, and most of the viscous fluid filled sac, of the Beholder-monster. It fell to the ground, and was immediately swarmed upon by a group of hungry Zombies.

Rito looked upon the sight, and saw his future. Then looked up, and saw a swinging sword.

He too, became lunch.

In the inexplicable rock quarry outside of town, purple energy coruscated from an egg, revealing the Dreaded Ivan Ooze. He saw, in the distance, the battle between Rito and the Zombie!Rangers, and proved he was the most intelligent of all of their foes, when he jumped the hell back into this hyperbaric chamber and sealed himself back in.

"I'm the master of the disgusting" He thought to himself, "And even I agree that's just gross. I'm sure 10,000 more years will be enough time for this mess to have cleared up."

The ZeoZombie never got their Zords, or Zordon's brain. They did learn, however, that there were other, more powerful, sources of morphing power, and Zords capable of traversing the stars themselves…

Fear for your lives, denizens of other planets, for the Zombie!Rangers are about to receive space travel capabilities. Let the Zombie Apocalypse spread, until all the planets in the universe are reduced to mind-less undead creatures!


End file.
